2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
