does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
