But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
