Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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