Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
