I think im going to throw up on grandma
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
