I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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