I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
