I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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