he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
No subtext here. People are naked.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The air taste purple.
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