I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
