I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
