isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
