I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
