I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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