she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
