I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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