just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
