so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize