I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
