Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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