I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Sober January is a disaster.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
