1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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