Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We are two peas in an std pod
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
