dude i'm inner monologue high
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
