My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
