Having a random hookup so left but love u
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
