Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
