I murdered the dance floor call the cops
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
