she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
