I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
