Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
