Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
