never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
