And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Who died my cat blue again?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
