My first STD was from a foam party
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
