i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
