Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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