I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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