I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
