so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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