I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
