I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
