I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
