oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Randomize
