The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
