i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
