In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
