On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
