I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
