Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
