this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
