I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
