You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
as a side note pls kill me
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
