doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
