I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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