Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
