This is not my ceiling
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
