he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize