Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
