and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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