Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
