Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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