"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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