are you so shy because you have an std?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
