so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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