Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You're a waste of cheezeits
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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