I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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