I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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