The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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